All-Or-Nothing Thinkers
There are a million choices between All or Nothing.
Our brain likes to offer us that we have to be ALL IN or just be DONE.
For example, when you start that new healthy life style and your eating all the green stuff for awhile and then you eat a couple of M&M’s….then it’s all over. Your healthy life style is all over and your a failure and now your going to eat a whole bag of M&Ms.
Or when you are starting a new workout regimen so you create a plan what days and times your going to do what. But then, you miss a workout and then you throw in the towel and tell yourself you’ll never be able to stick to a workout program and you might as well never work out again. Not even take a walk.
Even that your going to be a more consistent parent and decide that you’re going to follow through on everything you say your going to do and not let them walk all over you anymore. But then you freeze in a moment of panic and the child get’s there way (once again) and now you’ve decided that your back to being the parent doormat.
And especially when it comes to keeping a clean and organized house. This is it, this is going to be the time that I always make sure everything is put away the first time when the kids come home. And everything will go back in it’s designated space. But then…. I’m not going to clean because my house will never be spotless. What’s the point?
Do you see these intense “All-or-Nothing” pesky thoughts. Our brain wants to offer us that we only have two choices. Your choices are either one extreme or the other extreme, there is no in-between.
Our brain likes black and white. It is easier for our brain to compartmentalize and organize information.
But that couldn’t be farther from the truth, there are a million choices between All-or-Nothing.
The other truth to this is, this way of thinking does NOT get us the results that we want in our lives. When we think we have to be “all in” on something it puts an immense amount of pressure on us. It’s like telling our sweet, innocent, child that ‘hey listen, you need to make sure that no matter what you NEVER under any circumstance leave a toy out without putting it away, if you do you are a complete failure, and I will NOT tolerate that kind of behavior.’
So what do you think your sweet child would think when they “mess up”?
That they are a failure, so they will either go one of two ways. They will become very intense and disgustingly obsessed with doing everything “right” to the point of emotional exhaustion and overwhelm OR they will have this go to attitude of “screw that I’m just a failure”.
Mommas this is what we are doing to ourselves!
Yes, we have convinced ourselves that there only two, very extreme options. But it’s just not true.
If we want to see a shift in this we have to create a shift in our brain.
I want you to see this cycle first: “All or Nothing” Cycle
I want to make a change
The change must be perfect
Perfection is impossible. A
mistake” is inevitable
One mistake ruins all my process
I’m a failure (and other negative self-talk)
I’ll give up completely
*Then back to “I wasn’t to make a change”
Here is “Everything Between All or Nothing” Cycle
Oooo let’s try something different
Mistakes are ESSENTIAL to this process
I have my own back through all of this
I focus my energy on my progress not perfection
I celebrate even the small wins
*Then back to “Ooo let’s try something different”
Can you feel the difference?
If we want to make shifts in this way of thinking we need to see things differently. When we are coming from a place of angst, stress, overwhelm and self criticism we will not be able to make long lasting, positive changes in our lives.
We might be really intense and try to “prove to ourself” we can do something and do it from a negative place. We might see results, sure. But quickly we find ourselves spinning out of control because it is unsustainable to live that way.
It is not kind, it is ruthless and heartless to treat ourselves that way. Even one would say abusive. If you expected that from anyone beside yourself, you would be considered nasty, cruel and unkind.
Opposed to a place of total self acceptance. Working from these thoughts that produce emotions like calm, abundance, acceptance and love. These are the emotional foundation of long lasting changes. This is where things begin to change.
So Mommas, start to notice the difference. See when that “All-or-Nothing” thinking brain shows up for you. Notice it, give it a nod and make a shift. Let yourself see life in all the colors, not just black and white. There are millions of choices in between, paint your life with all of it. Embrace a new way of looking at life. It is much more fun.
