None Of Your Business
Okay, I don’t think I’ve ever said those words to a single person BUT it makes for a catchy title.
In Byron Katies Book, “Loving What Is” she has a section that I absolutely love, its called Staying in Your Own Business. She goes on to talk about how there are three types of Business in the universe. Mine, Yours and Gods.
She explains that anything out of my control, or your control- she calls Gods Business. Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our business. When we think ‘goodness they need to get their act together, or take better care of their kids’ or whatever it is. That is being in other peoples business. Or worrying about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I die. I am in God’s business.
I love this kind reminder of what is in our control. But I would like to add a fourth element. And that is “Our Business”.
So to review there is four types of Business:
Mine (what is my total control)
Yours(the people of outside of us control)
Gods (everything else)
And Ours. (Me and my family, or my spouse)
Ours I like to liken to a relationship. I noticed this especially when I was on a family vacation with extended family. We had Our family (my husband, me, and our three boys) and my Brothers family with him and his two children, and my other brother with his wife and three children. We also had my grandfather, my aunt and uncle and his children and there significant others and my aunt, her partner and her two children.
That is A LOT of family. That I am absolutely blessed beyond belief to have in our life.
Okay but back to the story. I saw some interesting things come up when we started mixing businesses together.
I found myself worrying about other peoples business. Is my brother and his family having a good time? Should I invite them to this? They want to eat here, should we go with them?
I was in the “Yours Business” category a lot. What everyone else was doing was their business. They got to make their own decisions what they were doing and wanted to do. I had to pull myself back into my business and “Our” business.
When I was in my extended family’s business I was forgetting my own family. I was getting away from the things I can control. My husband and I needed to pair up and think about what WE wanted, together, with our family’s interest in mind. We really had to separate what everyone else wanted or needed.
Why you might be feeling a bit like, “Brooke that seems a bit harsh”. I want to remind you this deep wonderful love that I have for all of my family members. But when I worry about them and their business I neglect my own desires and needs and my partners emotions.
You could guess what happens when we do that.
Not great stuff.
