Learning True Belonging

How does one know that they belong? 

And what is the difference between belonging and fitting in? 

Belonging is being your authentic real self. 

Fitting in is changing who you are to feel like you fit in. 

I’ve grown up in a religious home my whole life. As a young teenager I made it a point to surround myself with other spiritual and religious minded people so I feel comfortable. 

P.S. I was NOT aware of any of this until recently. My eyes sure have been opened since my coaching world began. 

But anyways, in those instances I was trying to “fit in”. I was socially engineering my circumstances so I fit in. I was finding other people “like me” so I felt comfortable. The other way of doing it is being around people and changing yourself to be like them. Again, another way of fitting in. 

“Fitting In” is when YOU change, or change your environment to be accepted. 

“Belonging” is when you become more of who you are. You are your authentic self and you can be with anyone, anywhere and feel like you belong. 

One of my most favorite quotes of all time from my sweet and sassy Brene Brown is this, 

“True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.” 

I have a term I use in my coaching practice, “changing hats”. I notice in my life I wear different hats for when I’m around different people. It’s fascinating to observe now. (And honestly I still do it, but I’m uber aware of it.) 

When I’m around my parents and siblings I put on one hat, when I’m with my inlaws another, or even when I”m at work I put on another “hat”. I’m always changing myself a little bit to feel like I “fit in”. I may add different things to the conversation, I ask myself what I should contribute to the conversation so people will agree with me. 

Yuck. 

Do you feel it too? 

I’ve done it for so long, in some ways it's just normal for me. 

But as I’ve done work on myself I find myself not just going along and agreeing with people. OR I find myself very comfortable with people talking about things that I don’t agree with at all. 

And guess what? 

It's all okay. 

When you have a TRUE DEEP understanding of who YOU are. If you practice believing in and belonging to yourself deeply you get to show up as your authentic self. 

And it’s okay. 

You get to be you. And more of you. 

And it’s the best feeling ever.