Learning To Love Yourself
Yes, we can LEARN to love ourselves. This is possible for you to learn, just like we learn how to balance a checkbook, or operate a zoom meeting. (might take a little more work, but you know how to work)
So there are 3 steps to learning to love yourself:
1. Stop Comparing
From the time we are a young child we begin to size ourself up to others. Because there is no magical scale that determines how “good” we are or how “pretty” or “successful” we begin to use comparative measures. We compare our weight to others, compare our homes, our income. Or we look at how many mistakes we’ve made or how many people likes us, or follow us on social media accounts to determine our value as a person.
But NONE of that determines our value. Our value never ever changes. It is constant. From the time we are born as little sweet precious perfect babies, to the time we die. We are 100% capable and lovable. Our value does not fluctuate like a housing market. It is not determined but our net worth, or social media followers. Our value just is.
2. Stop Seeking Validation
We’ve been programmed, conditioned and culturally bombarded that we should we well liked. We should be likable. We believe if people like us we must be likable. But what I want to offer you is that by believing that your determining your worth, your value by others ability to see the positive. That leaves you powerless and simply isn’t true. If someone likes you then its about THEM and their ability to see the positives in you. It doesn’t say anything about you.
On the flip side if someone doesn’t like you its about THEM and and their inability to see the positive. It doesn’t say anything about you.
When we “need” other people to validate us it doesn’t leave us any space for us to decide to like ourself. We just constantly are trying to change to be liked. I call it putting on different hats.
When we are with one person we have this hat, another person a different hat. Constantly changing to “fit in” when true happiness comes from when we learn to love ourself and BELONG so we can be around anyone, anywhere and still feel like we belong.
3. Start Noticing You
Yes, notice. Thats where it begins. I love thinking about this experience like when there is a new person in your school, community or church.
We first notice that person. We start seeing things we like about her, we begin to make small talk with her. We are kind to her and ask her to sit with us.
That is how a new friendship or relationship begins.
Talk kindly to this new friend, everyday. Begin to notice the things you like about her. Get curious if something seems “off” with her from a place of love. Everyday flood your mind with all the things you appreciate and notice about her. Become self aware, and with awareness comes acceptance and love.
Change that voice in your head, you will find that you enjoy being with yourself. You will begin to love that time with you.
