The “I don’t know” Mom

I’ve spent the majority of my motherhood convinced I don’t know. 

I don’t know the best way to parent. 

I don’t know how to discipline my kids. 

I don’t know the best way to potty train. 

I don’t know how to help them when they are struggling. 

I don’t know how to teach them to read. 

Those thoughts came from a deeper belief that “I’m not a perfect mom, therefore I don’t know what to do.” 

It’s true. 

I have thought from day 1, well maybe from day 4 or 5…. “What would a good mom do in this situation?” 

I started comparing myself to the non existent “perfect mom” right from the get go. 

This has created a lot of pain for myself over the years. All the time I was questioning myself, my abilities and my choices. 

If I did do something, I told myself that was NOT the right thing to do. Therefore I felt guilt, remorse, and disappointment. 

Or if there was something that needed to be done, I was convinced I didn’t know how to do it so I would spend hours thinking about it, researching it and just stay stuck in indecision. 

I was the “I don’t know” mom. 

I stayed like that for a long long time. I remember one day in particular I had screamed at my 3 year old right in the face, I was crying and a hot mess. 

I called my husband crying on the porch because I just couldn’t trust myself to be alone with the kids. 

I begged him to tell me what to do in between sobs and whimpers. I could barely breathe. I kept repeating myself saying, “I just don’t know what to do.” I fell to my knees begging him to help me. (poor husband- at work trying to help a woman who just couldn’t be helped at that moment) 

I believed with all of my might I just didn’t know what to do. 

With countless hours of coaching I can tell you now how to move out of this belief. 

It starts with this ittie bittie baby belief, “It’s possible that I am learning what to do.” 

I began to allow myself to believe that I am working on believing that I can figure it out. 

That I can trust myself enough to take the next step forward. 

And after a time when I built up this self trust, self love and self acceptance I am now a mom who is certain of herself and her abilities as a mother. 

I made a vow with myself that I will NEVER say “I don’t know”. 

You won’t hear me say those words. BECAUSE I believe that I do know. I always know. Sometimes we take our best guess and move forward but no matter what we have our own back, make a decision and trust ourselves enough to figure it out when we get there. 

I’ve moved from a belief of “I don’t know” to a belief of “I DO know, I always know”. 

This is possible for you. If you find yourself in indecision, confusion and doubt ALL THE TIME, it is possible for you to move forward. It’s possible for you to build up this relationship with yourself where you ALWAYS know what to do. You learn to trust yourself, love yourself and believe in yourself enough to KNOW, always know.