Centered Amongst Messes

I woke up in the middle of the night with this thought:

 “Centered looks like you standing still, surrounded by messes, chaos of other people doing whatever the heck they want and you feeling total inner peace and security.”

If you don’t already know I have three sons, yes THREE. My home, my life is always messy. Always chaotic. 

I’ve spend all of my motherhood years trying to change that circumstance. I believed if I could control the mess, control the chaos I had a chance of feeling inner peace and security. 

Ha ha ha ha 

Isn’t that funny? 

It’s funny because down to my core I believed it. I really truly did! I thought that was my objective as a mother was to control the chaos. 

And I use the word control very intentionally. Because that’s just what I did. (Still do) I try to control, to manage, to take every ounce of energy I had to make the state of my children and my home a more controlled state. 

Oh man, It still burns me inside when I say it. Because there’s still a little part of me that believes that. 

But can’t you see? 

Can’t you see by me believing that, I was creating INTENSE inner conflict, frustration, and chaos! 

Yes, by me trying to control the chaotic circumstances outside of me I was creating inside chaos. 

Ironic huh? 

So that’s why I woke up in the middle of the night with this vision. 

I could see me, standing there, with stillness, calmness, and quietness. And my three sons running circles around me, with armed nerf guns, with there mouths wide open yelling, screaming, chasing. With dogs barking in the background. With the kitchen island covered in school papers, soggy breakfast cereal bowls, and dinner half made. With toys on the floor, card games spread across the dining room table, and backpacks strewn across the kitchen floor by the door. 

And me? 

Centered. 

Peaceful. 

Secure. 

And you know how that’s possible? 

Because I know who I am. My identity is NOT defined in the state of my home, or my children. (Oh golly, if that was the case…… let’s just say it would be a never changing state of being) 

I know what I want in my life. 

And I know how I am getting there. 

That my friends, that is the beauty I have found in life coaching. 

I have found my true self. I have built that inner peace in myself, I have courted my desires, my values and spent the necessary time and space developing them. 

I have focused my energy on developing my soul, my self. And by doing so I can show up to my children, my husband with so much love, tenderness, and purpose. 

I can feel whole, I can feel centered standing amongst the messes and chaos. And it’s a beautiful thing.