Conditioned For Conditional Love

I have this sneaky thought that comes up often as a mom. It goes something like this, “If your kids get everything done, and listen to you, and behave in a calm way, then you can love them and snuggle on them and play with them.” 

Do you know what that thought really means, If they are different THEN I will love them. That’s what we call conditional love. 

That has been one of my biggest struggles. I truly believed that my kids needed to behave a certain way, or listen to my demands THEN I would play with them, or lay with them at night. 

I would make requests and if my requests weren’t met I would walk right out. 

Yuck! Do you feel that too? Now normally I wouldn’t be this transparent, because it exposes all my ugly parts. But I’m sharing this because I am in a place now where I can look back, or even “catch” myself doing those things. And then I say, “Hmmmmm…..” not being critical of myself for my choices, but getting curious about why I do it. 

Now, this brings me back to my childhood a bit. This is not to be directed at my wonderful parents, it is not criticism, but total curiosity that allows me to understand what is happening in my brain. 

I grew up thinking that I had influence on other peoples emotions. If they were happy I was happy, If they were sad I was sad. Therefore if they were loving I felt loved. 

But when we remind ourselves that we are 100% worthy of all the love REGARDLESS of the conditions. That’s true for our kids too! Whether they listen or don’t, behave or don’t, they are always totally Lovable, dare I say ESPECIALLY when they don’t behave or listen. 

I always thought that showing them love was condoning there behavior or choices. But we can love them even when they aren’t behaving, did you know this!? I sure didn’t, that’s why I am sharing this with you. 

So I end with this, Unconditional love is ALLLWWAAYYSSS available. Condition yourself to love unconditionally.