Honey, Grab Your Gun

I hope this doesn’t come out to Red Necky, but here we go.

My girlfriend and I were talking about what kind of relationship we want to have. She described it like this….

“I want the kind of marriage that when an intruder comes to the door trying to hurt our family I run and grab my gun and stand side by side with my husband to protect our family, together.”

I was in tears when she said these words to me. This visual gave me all the feels.

But we can’t do that when we don’t see ourselves as equals in our marriage. And when I say equals I don’t mean that we make the same exact contributions physchialy, financially and emotionally. A great way to check in and see where you think you stand in your marriage would be to ask yourself how you show up? How do you carry yourself as the woman of the house? The wife? What role do you play?

I’m going to be honest with you, my role has shifted throughout the last 12 years. Our marriage started with me playing the role I saw on TV. I did what I thought a “good wife” did. I cooked every meal, prepared every lunch, did all the cleaning, set up all the appointments, did things to please my husband (most of the time). But also micromanaged him. (That’s a story for another day)

By the way, this was definitely NOT expected on my husbands end, this is what I chose to do, thinking it was the right thing. But then I became resentful. I was playing this role as the second in command house wife and not stepping up into my role as the strong, courageous, able bodied woman that I am. Instead I played the naggy, miserable house wife.

But then, I stepped up.

When I say stepped up, I mean that I stepped up right next to my husband. Not making him step down. The spot was always available I just never showed up in that capacity.

Mommas, we are uniquely designed for a great purpose. Our responsibilities as a mom are sacred, and beautiful. We are different, as we should be. Our gender roles are essential. If God wanted us all to provide the same contributions he would have created all men, or all women, but he wanted us to play our unique role.

When we truly understand our identity, when we are comfortable in our own skin we can show up as the woman, wife, and mother that we are.

I’ve never been more proud to be a woman. I see it more empowering than I ever have in my life. But I say that with complete admiration and respect for men and their role. I love my man (as you all well know) we are a team. Even though I’m not the first one to initiate dropping trees in the woods, I’ll be there to help him stack the wood. Even though he isn’t the first one to deep clean a fridge, he will be there to help me pull everything out. We are help mates. We step forward in life together, hand in hand. Not trying to “out do” each other. But respectfully, strongly, stepping up with our children’s hands in ours.

So momma what kind of relationship do you want?