Why We Don’t Trust
We don’t like to trust because it puts us in a vulnerable and uncomfortable place. When we don’t trust we don’t love. But there are some things we can do to trust, without having to be vulnerable and scared.
I want you to think about that person you know who really struggles to trust people. The one with their guard up. The one in their own bubble of isolation. The one who doesn’t let anyone in.
Okay let’s talk about this person for a moment. She is in her what I call bubble of isolation. A lot of times she is very closed off, unemotional, may even be seen as “cold”.
She created this space for herself on purpose. She is here because she doesn’t want to get hurt. She is here because she believes other people cause her pain therefore she doesn’t want other people in her bubble.
And what about when she is forced to allow people to enter into her bubble. For example when she get’s married and adds in-laws to the mix, or when she has her first child. This is getting more and more uncomfortable over here.
Okay, so she’s here in this very vulnerable space with people she “can’t trust” in her bubble with her. Do you know why she says she can’t trust them?
It’s because she doesn’t know how to trust herself enough to decide what’s appropriate to go on inside the bubble.
She’s just convinced that she can’t trust them.
When I hear a momma say she can’t trust her husband, what she is saying is that she doesn’t feel safe. And although there are many situations where someone truly is at risk of physichal or emotional harm. I am talking about the situations where she doesn’t feel peaceful, and safe in her own relationship due to her own perception of what is happening.
Okay so you can’t trust your husband. That is true because you are so focused on what he MIGHT do or what he may be doing, when you really should be focused on what YOU WILL do.
To rectify this challenge to the point where we can rest easy, take a deep breathe and actually focus on the things we want to do I’m going to share three things we can do to build trust and love.
Create Boundaries.
Now I know you’ve heard me talk about boundaries a bit. And if you haven’t I have blog posts and YouTube videos that talk a bit more in depth about it. But I digress…. Okay If you want to learn to trust your husband you must learn to trust yourself. To be able to trust yourself you need to make decisions from a place of clarity and confidence. (This is where I as the life coach get to shine!) Together we can help you clearly define what you want in and out of your relationship. What’s acceptable, and what is absolutely unacceptable and why. Through this process we are empowering you to decide what YOU will do (from a place of love) if there is a boundary violation.
Speak Your Truth.
Okay we now know exactly what we want in our relationship. What we feel safe with and now is the part where we get to communicate (with love, always) effectively to our husband what we are looking for, and what WE will do if an expectation is not met. Let me be clear. These are NOT ultimatums, these are NOT manipulation techniques (which I”m sure you’ve used in the past, we all have). This is our opportunity to be loving, clear and direct. We are loving to ourself by giving ourself the space to decide what we need, and loving to our husband because we aren’t just pissed off at him and don’t tell him why. We are clearly, confidently and lovingly sharing what we feel, and why.
Have your own back.
I’m not going to lie. This is the hard part. This is the part we have to dig down deep and be really clear what we have decided we’re going to do and love ourself enough to follow through. Again this is where having a Life Coach by your side changes everything. When we have our own back we are being true to ourself because we know ourself. We love ourself and to serve ourself and our husband in a positive way we decide to follow through. A lot of times this is where I see my clients falter. This is where we want to throw in the towel. And that’s the case BECAUSE we don’t have that self security, self acceptance, self love and self confidence enough to do so.
So now what?
When you do this you will start to trust more in your relationship because you have clearly communicated what your needs are. After you communicate you don’t have to watch his every move. You don’t have to spend so much brain capacity sneaking around looking at his phone, following him, thinking about everything that COULD be happening. This system allows him to breathe, you to breathe so you can love eachother so incredibly much!
Mommas trusting people is barf worthy for sure. It’s awkward uncomfortable and scary. BUT a lot of times I see my clients not able to trust because they truly don’t trust themselves. They don’t feel safe in their own skin enough to speak up for themselves, have their own back to manage through any obstacle that comes their way. Instead we try to hide in the cave. We try to isolate ourselves away from any person we’ve ever loved. That’s not your purpose, that’s not your greatest desires. You want to have a sexy, passionate, spontaneous life! You want to flood your marriage with deep wild intoxicating connection. This cannot be achieved without learning to trust! Trust comes from us, it is our job to achieve it. Love you Mommas!
P.S. You can trust your husband again, you can feel safe and secure in your marriage once again. If you need a little help, I’m here for it. Just click HERE to start the life changing process.
