Save Yourself Before Your Marriage

The most ironic part of working with women in their relationships is that the majority of the work we do together, we aren’t talking about our husbands. 

Wh-h-hat!!????

We are talking about us. 

We are where it all begins. 

The reason relationships crumble, is because we aren’t confident, secure, and trusting enough(of ourselves) to push through. 

We feel scared

Uncertain

Confused

Overwhelmed

Exhausted

Now I should preface, Of course there are relationships that end because of poor choices, or unkind even abusive behavior. 

But that’s not the relationships I’m talking about. I’m talking about when we slowly start to drift apart, when we wake up one morning and realize that there is absolutely no spark, no connection, nothing between us and our husband that we once loved so so deeply. 

That is the case, not because of what HE did or is doing. But because of what we think about ourselves. 

Your getting mad, aren’t you? You’re thinking, ‘Brooke, your crazy’ ‘This is on him, I’m not the problem.’ 

(Well I’ll tell you what, if you really want to know that’s the case, give me 20 weeks with you in my program, then we can talk.)

Okay but back to it. When we don’t have a relationship with ourself first, we are CONSTANTLY seeking:

Approval

Validation

Appreciation

Love

Connection

Really anything and everything from our partner. We desire so deeply to be loved and noticed from our partner because we haven’t given ourself any of it and have built a relationship where we depend on others to feel a certain way. 

Well, stop it! 

Okay, sorry I didn’t mean to yell. 

And I know you don’t know how, but I want you to just think for a moment. What would it be like if you truly loved yourself? If you felt that strong sense of security and trust from YOU? 

Would it then matter if your husband didn’t say ‘ i love you back’? 

Would it matter if he didn’t pursue you in the bedroom?

Or if he was on his phone during like the first date you’ve had in a year after the baby was born? 

No. 

It wouldn’t matter. 

When we save ourself first, when we love ourself right where we are. When we put away the judgement and criticism. When we break through the shame and embarrassment. THAT is when we save our relationship. That is when we start the spark (in ourselves) to create a roaring fire of passion and love in our marriage. Do the work. I’m here for it!