Relationship Insecurity

I’ll tell you what happens when you feel insecure in your relationship…

You overexert energy worrying about your insecurities. 

You spend time confused, spinning your wheels unsure what to do next. 

You look at social media constantly, hoping some sort of direction or answers will present themselves. 

You do online shopping because you hate this feeling your experiencing. 

And most pressing is, you don’t do anything to increase your own individualism and desires. 

Yeah, you’re spending all your time focusing on what’s going wrong that it doesn’t leave any time and space to focus on things you love, things you want to try, or do. 

That reminds me of my home. Sometimes I get into a mode where I’m finding everything that is wrong about my house. The bathroom sink is so small, the kids toothbrushes fall off the counter all the time, there’s no storage, it’s so drafty, the carpets stink and need to be replaced. 

As soon as my brain shifts to ‘what’s wrong’ mode, I can find more and more proving evidence that things need to be changed. 

When your brain is in that mode, any ounce of gratitude or love goes out the window. We stop appreciating the amazing, beautiful, blessed space that we have the privilege of owning. We don’t see the charm, uniqueness, and glory of what we have. 

We see all the *&*@#$%@$ going wrong! 

This is how it works in a relationship too. So here’s your way out: 

Shift, Flood, Secure. 

It’s uncomfortable but to make the shift start by recognizing what you’re feeling. You’re feeling let’s say agitated because you’re thinking what? 

That makes the shift from being in the lower, caveman brain thinking to allowing us to move to our higher thinking and well, think about thinking. 

Anytime we begin to think about our thinking from a neutral space we can move out of emotionally driven actions. 

Then we move into our conscious mind, and ask ourselves what do I love about our relationship? What am I proud of? What is special between us? What things are going good? Or if those are hard to answer, what was so special when we first got together? What was it like to be newly together? 

Begin to flood our mind with all the things you love about your dynamic. Remind your brain that there was a time you felt totally head over heels in love, when you were so excited about being together, where you couldn’t keep your hands off each other! That’s what we want to identify, and continue to find more and more evidence why you were such a great pair. 

And lastly we want to find that inner security. When we are insecure we are seeking outward validation to feel secure. We spend all of our energy looking outside of us, especially towards our partner. We want him to fill our “wholes” if you will. Self security is the answer to the puzzle. We have to find that inner security, that inner confidence and surety to feel secure in our relationships. 

That doesn’t mean that there aren’t things that need to be addressed. That’s when its helpful to have a mind of curiosity. To take judgement out of the occasion. To look at things that are ‘a bit off’ and wonder hmmmm how can we overcome this? 

Relationship Insecurity is common. It roots from lack of inner security. To make shifts to feel more secure in your relationship, we have to start with you. Learn to fill your own cup, learn how to have your own back, how to be intentional about creating the things you want in your life and in your relationship. You will NEVER feel so secure, confident and certain to love the love story you’ve written.