Love With Boundaries
Why don’t we create boundaries?
Or better yet why do we let people walk all over us?
We are pretty good at that. And then we lose our marbles when we decided they took it “too far”.
Boundaries is our safety zone. It is our place where we’ve decided to feel safe, and what qualifies as too far.
It is a gift to ourselves. It is one of the greatest examples of having your own back as a human being in the vulnerable world.
It allows us to love…. So so deeply.
Because it gives us so much clarity for ourself what we would do if we aren’t where we said we would be.
A lot of times we aren’t clear with ourself what kind of boundaries we want to make and why.
We feel insecure and push everybody out.
Or we have no boundaries and get walked over time and time again.
What if there was a balance between the two.
Well I have found it.
It is what I call “the bubble”.
The bubble is this wonderful cushion we give ourselves so that we can love with all our might, but keep ourself safe. The bubble is for us, it is not against them. It is this cushy place we want to exist with all of our relationships.
It’s like putting on those elbow pads, knee pads, and wrist guards when you go roller skating. It’s not for anyone else but you.
When we don’t have “the bubble” in our relationship we develop some different techniques to keep ourself safe. You might be familiar with this term, its called….
Manipulation.
Oh yes, I know it very well. I thought I had to manipulate all the people in my life so that I was safe. Especially that loving husband of mine. I would try to (yuck do I have to say it?) control him.
Yes, Control.
I tried to control everything that was external, to protect me. Because sadly I didn’t know how to take care of me. I didn’t know how to NOT let people walk all over me, so I just would manipulate the people around me, (aka people please) AND manipulate them.
It is this ugly cycle of people pleasing and giving everyone what they want, then feeling bitterness and resentment, then freaking out, then manipulating, blackmailing and controlling (hello ultimatums).
Then guilt, then giving in, and it starts all over again.
Bleh.
I’m so over that, aren’t you?
So lets talk more about “The Bubble”.
“The Bubble” includes a request we make for someone to change a certain behavior and a consequence of what YOU will do to self protect if they violate the boundary again.
This is all about YOU.
Creating this safety zone promotes self responsibility and empowerment, they lead to closer relationships with others.
It’s pretty simple. It could go something like this…
“If you raise your voice at me, I am going to leave the room until you can talk calmly.”
Okay but lets go over some ground rules here:
Your happiness does NOT depend on others fulfilling the request
Boundaries should always come from a place of love to promote self kindness
A Boundary is NOT an ultimatum *** Boundary Violation
If you don’t feel peaceful and loving, it’s not an ideal time to set a boundary
So let me sum this all up….
Love yourself with everything you have, decide what boundaries you have set up for you. What do you expect out of yourself in regards to your relationships with your kids, your spouse, your in laws, co-workers, and heck just strangers?
Love yourself
Decide on how “The Bubble” looks for you
Love everyone in your path, as much as you can stand it, and honor yourself and what is authentic and true, along with the willingness to let other people interpret it how they will.
A quote from Henry Cloud “We’re taught that we must love and honor ourselves enough to tell the people in our lives the truth.”
Love yourself, speak your truth, and love others…. And deeply.
