I’m So Jealous

The other day I had my sisters dog over and at bedtime my sisters dog jumped in my sons bed with me while we were tucking in the kids. Our dog, Bella was jealous. She walked back and forth next to the bed and then jumped in because she wanted to be apart of it. 

Jealousy is an emotion that ties back to scarcity. It comes from this place of “there won’t be enough for me” or “I need some of that too” thoughts even “I’m NOT that (and I want to be)”.

Bella wanted the love that I was giving to my sisters dog. Maybe Bella believed if I was giving love to Abby, that was love she wasn’t able to receive. 

I’m going to let my ugly side out and tell you things I get jealous about. 

I am jealous when people have a strong relationship with someone I want to be close to. 

I am jealous when moms are remodeling there house, and I am not. 

I am jealous of those moms with multiple kids who have flat perfect stomachs.

I am jealous when other people buy more land, and I don’t. 

I am jealous of my husbands ex girlfriends. Still. 15 years later.

I am jealous when my family spend time together, without me.

I am jealous when two of my friends spend time together without me. 

Jealousy brings up a strong feeling of scarcity for me. It is my lower brain waving its blaring red flag saying “you aren’t doing enough!” Or “You’re missing out!” even “You’re not getting what you want!”.

I have to give my brain a little talking to at that point, and really get down to the nitty gritty here. 

Okay self, your jealous because your friends spend time together without you. So what? That mom is skinnier than you. You’re not dying. You are just feeling a vibration in your body we label jealousy. 

Jealousy for me feels like a bolt of urgency. Like my brain starts thinking how I can swoop in and fix it. How can I buy more land to feel better? Or how can I get closer to that friend so I’m not in a position to get jealous again? 

Sometimes I just start to feel bad feelings for that person. Like I want to hate them to feel less jealous.

Yeah, there’s that. I told you it was my ugly side.

But if I really slow down and lean into the actually feeling of jealousy in my body it feels like a heavy weight in my lower stomach, and a heaviness on my chest that makes it harder for me to breathe. 

As long as their are humans here on earth, we are going to feel jealous. It is a part of the human experience. Jealousy comes from this place of insecurity and scarcity. It’s the mother-load of the two of those combined. We are insecure in ourself and what we have that when we see someone doing what we want and what we don’t have we feel this strong sense of scarcity, as if they are taking away our ability to have it. 

We are going to get jealous, we are going to feel like we are missing out, we are going to feel like there’s not going to be enough left for us. This is jealousy at its finest. Check in with yourself. Let yourself feel the jealousy and how it manifests in your body. See what it is that triggers this for you, and have a good laugh about it. Remind your lower brain, thanks for trying to keep me safe brain, but we are okay, right where we are.